Against the Clock

For the last couple of months I've been focusing a great deal of my attention on writing a feature on Radical Entertainment's 20 year history. Everything was coming together, despite the lack of any involvement whatsoever of co-founders Ian Wilkinson and Rory Armes, and I felt really good about the whole thing. But something has lodged a Godzilla-sized block in my writing brain.

I've gutted and re-written the feature a few times now but that hasn't deterred me from continuing -- writing through it, sifting the interviews, sorting the facts, etc.

But this is writer's block on a scale that I've only encountered one other time. I was 14 and desperately scrabbling for a satisfying ending to a short story that jumped around like a flea on meth. No matter how many plot lines I ran down, it never came together the way I wanted it to. There was always something that could have, should have, been better. Which is kind of what I think is happening to me right now. I'm not sure if it will ever be good enough.

I imposed a deadline of early March to get the feature posted. And it's early March now and the feature still doesn't seem presentable.

Maybe part of my problem is that a certain level of panic has set in -- and that's a very bad thing. Writing under pressure is one thing, writing in panic is another. I can handle the pressure aspect but the panic... it's a killer.

Even with all that sitting in the back of my head, I'm inexplicably optimistic that it will all come together! It's an emotional roller coaster! You can bet that when I'm "finished" I'll be doing cartwheels. And maybe I'll have just the slightest taste of bile in the back my mouth.